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This would absolutely guarantee that the blade would stop at the desired depth. I was confident in my calculations and would just look at the blade, review my movie from last year and get giddy and nervous and excited imagining the blade going into my gut.This was around the 2nd week of July. I need to do this by the 23rd. I was so ready and getting myself worked up psychologically for the annual ritual. To be honest, just the thought of a piece of hard, cold steel blade entering my gut gets me to a point of insanityI stabbed myself twice last year, but it was so shallow. Would I be able to this year? As the day approached, I made a trip to the desert to scout out a proper and private location. Last year’s spot was compromised. I parked my car, got my cameras, two this year for simultaneous filming from two angles, and hiked about a mile into the hills. I finally found the spot and looked around for hikers or horse riders. I saw none and, being a weekday for the event, I’d be fine.. I bet little Abi gets a secret kick out of desperate types like Ken Drone ogling hopelessly at her. She seems like that sort of girl.For most of the briefing I ignore Ken and so does she. She asks lots of intelligent questions and I’m pleased to answer all of them at length. Ken may as well not be there. He tries to chip in and contribute but I make it brutally clear how deeply unimpressed I am each time he says anything. It’s the very opposite of how I am with Abi. With her I am almost stupidly amiable and engaged and complimentary. I tell her that she is picking up the key points brilliantly. I stress how pleased I am to have someone so bright and diligent on the team. Abi laps it all up. I find myself showing off for her, playing the big hard boss-man with Ken. I roll my eyes at Abi whenever Ken speaks, grin sardonically at her as I belittle him with some insulting remark, and Abi smirks along happily, kind of egging me on. She’s like the hottest girl in school who allows the.
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